How Not to Get Dropped from Your Record Label Lesson 1: Christina Milian

Christina has reportedly been dropped from her label.  I'm sure some people saw this coming a mile away, but apparently, Christina didn't expect it.  This might have been prevented, if she'd gotten some helpful advice along the way.  It may be too late now, but maybe she can focus on her acting career, and make a huge musical comeback a la Jamie Foxx, in about 10 years or so.

If only she had done things a little differently– maybe these helpful tips could have lengthened her tenure at Def Jam:

1. If your album is not really amazing, don't name it So Amazing.
2. You can't change musical styles like some people change outfits, unless you're an established star like Madonna, Janet Jackson, or Gwen Stefani.
3. No musical star (or other celebrity, for that matter) ever becomes gangsta (see MC Hammer, Ricky Martin or Tom Cruise for further explanation).  You can start out gangsta and soften your image (e.g. Snoop Dogg and Ice Cube), but you can never start out soft and then later become gangsta. (Yes, I know that Tupac managed to pull this off, but he is the only one who did it "successfully"– and look what happened to him).
4. Item #3 also holds true for artists who want to develop newly found traits of "ghetto fabulousness" or "fabulosity" (see Whitney Houston).  It never works.  Really, don't try it. (This includes things like bragging about the fact that you cut off your naturally long hair to get a weave).
5. Don't agree to changing your personal style to one that so closely matches that of the reigning diva of the moment, and then act surprised when you constantly get compared to her.
6. Don't make disparaging remarks about said diva's talent (or lack thereof) if her boyfriend is the current president of your record label.
7. Don't get caught in questionable or compromising situations with the president of your label.
8. Don't make a diss record about your ex-boyfriend if he has never publicly made any disparaging remarks about you (especially if his corniness speaks for itself).  (Only Janet Jackson can get away with this).
9. Don't wait until the eleventh hour to play the Ethnicity Card.  If you have some sort of "ethnic flavor" start using it to your advantage from the beginning.
10. Don't brag that your album will make it to "diamond" sales status, especially when even the biggest stars only make it to this level after years of steady sales.

Loose Ends

 

• Great writing is apparently now determined by unit sales, and not by actual writing skills.  [BBC]
• Some theaters in China have banned The Da Vinci Code, to spare their customers from having to sit for 2 and a half hours of a bad film.  [Topix.net]
• Judging from the lack of sales, Mary Cheney's biography doesn't even make for a good doorstop.  [Hothouse]
• Even "Reality [TV Show] Whores" can have their moments at screw-brained clarity.  [Towleroad]
• How is it that Mariah Carey can wear a painted on dress and still not look remotely sexy?  [A Socialite's Life]
• A new reality show.  About cats.  Starring cats.  Only in America…  [IWS]
• Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is only a week old, and she's already over exposed.  [Low Culture]
• Is Queen Latifah planning on running for public office?  And if she is, will she have to abdicate her throne before accepting a victory?  [Female First]

Sour Notes

 

• Beyonce is searching for female musicians who happen to be pretty, but don't necessarily have to be able to read music.  Sort of like Destiny's Child, only with that group, actual singing talent was optional.  [Concrete Loop]
• Chris Martin's duet with Nelly Furtado was pulled from her album at the last minute, because those whiny voices combined would probably cause people to break their CDs and step on their iPods.  [WOW Report]
• Maybe the management at Cristal think that all "Hip Hop types" tend to slurp when they drink from champagne flutes.  Obviously, they haven't met Fonzworth Bentley yet.  [Davey D]
• Weird Al takes on James Blunt.  [BWE]
• A judge has decided to allow the infamous R. Kelly sex tape to be viewed by the press and the public.  Each of the nine people who don't own it, or who haven't seen it or heard about the details of it from Carey Kelly or R. himself, will surely be thoroughly shocked.  [AP]
• Is Letoya Luckett the poor man's Ashanti?  [Nova Slim]
• Seal is being sued by a former agent, who has realized that it pays well to be married to Heidi Klum.  [Female First]
• Does sex sell HipHop?  [HHB]
• 50 Dumbest Rock Star Extravagances.  [Blender]

Friday Flurry

 

• Vivica Used to be A. Fox reportedly to join the cast of Dancing with the Stars.  Fortunately, this would mean that we would only have to see her plastic face in passing, if she's paired with a gifted dance instructor.  [HipHop Ruckus]
• More on the Craig Scheffer Stephen Dorff (I don't know why I always get them confused) vs. Ari Gold Jeremy Piven men's room brawl.  Stephen is apparently fond of trying to reenact boxing scenes from The Power of One, and Jeremy has obviously decided that Ari Gold is such a dynamic character, that he doesn't need to be himself off camera anymore.  [Defamer] 
• When Lindsay Lohan is said to be "dating several men who live overseas", are we to interpret it as meaning that she got really wild and crazy during Fleet Week?  [Mollygood]
• Not only has Neil Strauss discovered how to use stupid magic tricks to impress drunken bar chicks in order to get laid, now he's discovered how to use his book to get money from lonely guys who really want to get laid.  [Gawker]
• LOGO has purchased AfterEllen and AfterElton.  [AfterElton via Queerty]
• MTV Movie Awards recap.  [Celebitchy]
• Keith Olbermann shows us that he can actually be clever sometimes by speaking his mind about Ann Coulter.  [Humanity Critic]
• Raz B (formerly of B2K) faces more controversy over his upcoming role on Noah's Arc, and his other brushes with the gay community.  [Rod 2.0]
• Diane Sawyer needs a brainy type to serve as a foil to her role as the ditzy blonde now that Charlie Gibson has left Good Morning America.  [Gawker]
• Jennifer Beals goes all the way gay, well, sort of, by serving as the Celebrity Grand Marshal at San Francisco's Gay Pride parade.  [SF Pride 2006]