Party Girl: The New Millennium Gold Digger

April 24, 2005


Introducing, the party girl: 

Henrietta is a party girl.  The basic aim of being a party girl is to have as much fun as is humanly possible without paying for it, and without — and this is key — taking your knickers off.  Party girls are the unrecognized lubricant of the social whirl.  The smiling, shining, wadding at every gathering, the dancers on tables behind the paparazzi shots of celebrities, the sweet guests at every dinner, the friendliest faces staying at the villa.  Falling somewhere between Hilly Golightly and a Jane Austen heroine, they melt into a social circle with charming ease.  They always say thank you, but they aren’t grateful — they know they are a key part of the engine driving the fun. 

The only way that I can see this actually happening is if you keep your man too drunk to realize that he’s not getting any, but of course, if you can blend into the mirth of the entourage, you can probably get around with no problems…

Surprisingly, the party girl is actually necessary to keep up appearances.  If it weren’t for the party girls (and playboys), most of these high society gatherings would only have a few people in attendance.

With a man’s money and a good-time girl’s eternal sunshine, fun will always be had.  In return for their rays of light, party girls enjoy a lifestyle way in excess of what they can afford: from making up the numbers at Nobu to jaunts to St. Tropez, Ibiza, Sardinia and beyond.  “God,” says Henrietta brightly, “there is no way I could sustain this lifestyle if I had to pay for it.”

Indeed, now we know who the “D-List” people in the background of the pictures are; most of them are just hangers-on looking for a hot meal, free drinks, and a good time, on someone else’s money…

Ironically, delivering on the sex front can play havoc with a party girl’s credibility.  “If you are in it to find a husband, don’t sleep around.  If you are in it to further your career, don’t sleep around,” says Henrietta.  “Men don’t want to be around an easy lay after they’ve had them.  And seriously forget it if you get into drugs, because you will become a coke whore of some description, and you’ll get cynical.  And nobody likes a cynical girl.”

I guess there are some people out there who like coke whores, yet, “Nobody likes a cynical girl”.  Now that just ruins my chances for being a party girl (and I’m a cynic, and not a coke whore, in case anyone was wondering).  And of course, a man is not going to want to have Sunday brunch with the slag that he got drunk/high with the night before.

“Party girl, party girl, party girl,” David [a nightclub owner] says, picking them out of the crowd.  “They’re all my regulars, I know them.  The prettier the girl, the less money she’s got, as a rule.”  I remark that they seem to be having the best time of anyone there.  “They aren’t the emotionally troubled lumps whose fathers own shipping lines; they might party with them, but most party girls haven’t got a pot to piss in.  They just want to have fun; for them, it’s about dancing and having a laugh.  They are the new version of the playboy: they work the system so they don’t have to pay for anything.  One of them will get themselves a rich boyfriend with a boat, and the rest will pile out to stay on it.”

Isn’t this what used to be called a “gold-digger”  ?

Tips for the Successful Party Girl:

  • Things tend to run more smoothly if you’re pretty; if you’re not, then smile a lot.
  • Get a job that pays at least enough to purchase plane tickets and fashionable clothes; have an up-to-date passport.
  • Learn how to project a facade of wealth; you will be able to blend in much better if people think you have money.
  • If you are looking to find a rich husband out of all this, don’t sleep around (this may necessitate some type of subterfuge on your part).
  • If you’re relatively young, you might be able to manage without sleeping around, but if you’re pushing 30… well, you know the deal.
  • If you’re over 30, you need to find some way to make it look like you’re not.
  • If you do sleep around, don’t expect to be rewarded with a lasting relationship.
  • Be willing to be arm candy, or a trophy girl; also, be willing to date obnoxious assholes who think that women are nothing but a good time to be had in bed.
  • Always project a facade of happiness and satisfaction; no one wants to hang around a cynic.
  • Don’t get into drugs/drink too much; this will lead you down the road to quickly losing your Party Girl status.
  • Join a health club, or stick to a regular workout regimen; you don’t want to gain weight from all the expensive hors d’oeuvres and champagne.
  • Be a pro at finding older men who love to drink and spend money on pretty girls.
  • If you are trying to find career advancement, learn how to network… and be careful who you sleep with!
  • Be charming and quirky.  (And pretty.  And being blonde never hurts, either).
  • Party, party, party!

“The Girls Who Don’t Pay for Anything”  [London Times]