Fun with Craigslist: Damon Wayans Edition

Craigslist

[Link via Defamer]

A new sketch comedy show for Showtime called "D. Underground" is looking for a few women who would be open to nudity in a sketch that will be shot in the month of March.  The sketch requires getting a direct shot of a womans's vagina.  To be specific, the role would have a woman walk onto a stage and sit on a stool with her legs open.  Her face would not be shown, the camera would only show from the waist down.  THIS IS NOT PORN.  THERE WOULD BE NO TOUCHING OF ANY KIND.  […]

We are looking for women of all ages (over 18) and ethnicities.  We will be casting three women between the ages of 18 to 30 and one woman over 50.  Because the shot would be from the waist down, we don't need a photo of your face, but we do need to see a photo of your vagina.  To be considered for this role please email a tasteful photo of your vagina with a contact phone number.

Translation:

A new sketch comedy for Showtime called "D. Underground" (the "D" is for Damon, as in Damon Wayans) is looking for a few women who would be opening their legs in order to provide the nudity in a sketch that will be shot in the month of March.  Since other ventures we have been working on have stalled at present, we are hoping that this new show will prove to be even more groundbreaking than any of our previous projects.  The sketch requires getting a direct shot of a woman's vagina*.  Yes, like Sharon Stone's famous scene in Basic Instinct, only closer**.

To be specific, the role would have a woman walk onto a stage and sit on a stool with her legs open.  Easy enough, right?  Many women do this natrually anyway (Paris Hilton comes to mind).  Just imagine doing it without underwear, like Lil' Kim.  Her face would not be shown (because that's never not important), the cameras would only show her from the waist down (because that's always all that matters). 

THIS IS NOT PORN***.

Showtime would only let us go so far with this, because they've already been getting enough flack for the wild storylines/sex scenes on The L Word. 

THERE WOULD BE NO TOUCHING OF ANY KIND.

At least, none that would be included in the final edits of the show.  We are looking for women of a range of ages and ethnicities.  You must be over 18, because we don't want this show to be shelved before the pilot episode even airs.  We are barely getting away with this as it is; the network wasn't really paying attention when we pitched this idea for a sketch, so we need to wrap things up as quickly as possible…

We will be casting 3 women between the ages of 18 and 30, and one woman over 50.  So, if you are 31-49, you need not reply to this posting.  Most women between 31 and 49 tend to be focused on starting/raising a family.  Many married, family-focused women tend to put less care and attention into their bodies in general, so you can imagine what their vaginas would look like.  Since they have already snagged their man, many feel that they can "let go" of everything else. 

We need to be able to clearly tell that your vagina is indeed a vagina, so only those in good condition need apply.  "Au naturale" vaginas are not wanted, as this may cause some confusion.  We will make allowances for some surgical enhancements, but only light touch ups (no gender-reassigned vaginas will be accepted).  Because the shot would be from the waist down, we don't need a photo of your face, but we do need to see a photo of your vagina.  Trimmed, landing strip, bikini wax, or Brazilian wax are all welcomed to respond; if a specific look/style of grooming is desired, it will be determined at the time of the shooting.  And of course, if you are chosen, we would need to verify that your vagina matches the one in the submitted photo. 

To be considered for this role, please email a tasteful photo of your vagina with a contact phone number, so that we can promptly conact you after we have weeded out all of the unacceptable bushes.

*Apparently, whoever wrote this ad doesn't realize that what is being described here is actually called a vulva.

**It would actually be pretty challenging to get a good picture of the vagina without the help of a gynecologist.

***If they really do want to shoot a woman's vagina, then I think this would be labeled as porn.

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