Another Year, Another List of Annoying People

Isaac Mizrahi 

From the 2006 list of 50 Most Loathsome New Yorkers:

37.  Hillary Clinton (U.S. Senator)

As she prepares for her run for the presidency—whoops, we mean senator—it’s about time liberals took off the rose-colored glasses and realized that at least some of the character assassination coming from the right is grounded in very real personal flaws. True, she is intelligent, articulate and certainly ambitious. But she’s also arrogant, aloof and detached. Her unwavering support for the president’s Iraq debacle and her relentless opposition to gay marriage have finally attracted much-needed criticism from the left. Still, we are told to avoid in-fighting. But if the “liberal” Clinton’s policies are indistinguishable from her “enemies,” what’s the point? Fact is, Clinton’s “it takes a village” outlook is the kind of bloodless bureaucratic collectivism that overlooks persons in favor of “the people.” We suspect that, had Clinton lived in St. Petersburg, she would have been the kind of apparatchik who would have had no qualms about killing a few million kulaks for the good of the peasantry. We don’t begrudge her the Chappaqua estate or the Georgetown townhouse. But some true fellow-feeling for the welfare mother in East New York or the lesbian who has no visitation rights for her lover dying in the hospital would be nice. 

33.  Naomi Campbell (Supermodel)

It’s as if Naomi Campbell has spent her entire career trying to exact revenge for Linda Evangelista butchering her last name in the 1995 documentary about Isaac Mizrahi, Unzipped. Now that she’s become a first-name-only boldface, her last name seems superfluous. But her life story continues to unspool as if John Candy’s Planes, Trains and Automobiles character was replaced by a five-foot-nine-and-a-half, gorgeous but psychotic woman. Whether hurling courtesy phones at minimum-wage employees long before the Gladiator thought of it, pushing assistants out of moving vehicles or attacking airline passengers years before al-Qaeda, La Campbell has always been ahead of her time. But if that’s not enough of a story, try her 1995 “novel,” Swan. This 359-page dog-pile has the nerve to introduce a nefarious snuff-film impresario on page 335. It’s enough to make one tell Judith Krantz she can take Manhattan, as long as she takes Naomi with her.  But perhaps dancing is more your speed. How about 1995’s disco disc Babywoman, which was huge—in Japan? Poor Naomi, the fur was flying when she was caught in Milan working the runway in mink after her debut as a PETA spokesmodel. Even wax Naomi at London’s Madame Tussaud’s required her own velvet rope after visitors repeatedly molested her. Actually we love the naughty Naomi; you’re on this list because 2005 was an endless litany of excuses for bad behavior. Whether in the House of Lords or on the house of Tyra, this year has been a nonstop whine-a-thon from the 36-year-old. Reported drug use, crazed stalker, the Dalai Lama: You already have a mountain named after you outside Madrid: La Maliciosa. It’s a swift drop after you’ve reached the Valley of the Dolls. 

30.  Isaac Mizrahi (Fashion Designer)

We remember when the poor man’s Gianni Versace seemed to be fading into well-deserved obscurity. What was there to hate? He’s graciously fat; a charming queen and, after Unzipped showed him throw his tizzies with all Supermodels In Creation bedecked in his creations, he seemed to grow quietly obsolete. It seemed to make no difference that no one actually bought his clothes when he was a couturier, until his going out of business made the front page of the Times (his biggest cheerleader). But savvy branding made him suddenly ubiquitous: at Target (giving Starck and Graves a run for their money), on the tube (taking up where the Queer Eye guys left off). Then came the Golden Globes. Seems that’s when he overstepped his boundaries and morphed from perfectly harmless court jester to an object of disdain. By honking one of Scarlet Johanseens hooters, he became a devil in a tux. At last it was revealed: Isaac is a closet hetero! 

21.  Lil' Kim (Rapper)

Lil’ Kim, aka The Queen Bee, is serving a 366-day prison sentence at a Federal Detention Center in Philadelphia. What did the nasty lyrical sexstress do that sent her to the big house? Actually, it was what she didn’t do. She was just keeping it real. A bit too real. As just a witness to a 2001 shoot-out outside Hot97 radio station in the Village, Kim had done absolutely nothing wrong. When questioned by the police, however, she decided it was in her best interest to deny witnessing the event as well as any relationship to the shooter. This couldn’t have been further from the truth. The triggerman was not only a longtime friend, but he was also the underdresser’s bodyguard. In the end, a surveillance tape of the shooting and a few basic interviews were all took to bring Kimmy down. Which leads us to ask: Why did she lie? She would have been back on a video set in a pair of matching pink fur undies in no time had she told the truth. Was it for street cred? In the ‘hood, or anywhere for that matter, it shows some serious heart-risking jail time for a buddy. No, it was just stupidity. Then again, she put out an album (“Naked Truth”) weeks after her sentence began, recorded a television reality series documenting her last days of freedom (Lil’ Kim Goes to the Big House) and plans to write a book. That, young aspiring rappers, is not stupid—although it’s worth remembering that both album and TV show bombed. 

17.  Irv Gotti 

Want to make big money living the hip-hop lifestyle? Just run a record label and conduct high volumes of regular business with drug dealers and various other criminals. Better yet, run this all out of the same office and dub it The Crack House. That’s what the feds accused Irv Gotti and his brother of doing. Irv’s highly successful record label, Murder Inc. (oops, after beating the rap, he changed it to The Inc.—we can’t imagine why) had a roster of multiplatinum-record selling artists including Ja Rule and Ashanti. In edition to his sharp business skills, he was also a respected hip-hop producer, having laid down beats for Jay Z, DMX and Fat Joe along with his artists on his own labels. Irv was a regular Crystal bottle popper on the local club scene. The Feds decided to investigate all this crazy nonsense that Irv was proud to preach both on wax and in the streets. What followed was a three-year saga of headlines and a trial that slowly deteriorated both the label and its “don” (he took his name from the convicted Gambino Family crime boss—great role model). In the end, Irv and his brother were acquitted on the grounds that it is not illegal to socialize or do business with criminals (that’s good to know) and the rest is history. They were spotted on the night of their acquittal partying it up on a yacht docked on the Westside. And keeping up as role models for today’s youth. 

The rest of the list can be found here.  [Link via Bookslut]


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