Sour Notes

June 14, 2006

Toni Braxton 

  • Toni Braxton and Mariah Carey should go on tour together.  Even if the two divas didn’t actually end up having nightly catfights, they would probably end up giving the Pussycat Dolls a run for their money by challenging each other to see who could craft the most outrageous wardrobe malfunction.  [D Listed]
  • Christina Milian says that “when a window shuts, a door opens”… maybe this is actually possible in that vacuum where her “talent” has apparently been trapped all of this time.  [Cake and Ice Cream]
  • Interview with Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth.  [PopMatters]
  • While Daddy Yankee realizes that young people in developing countries might not be able to afford to purchase CDs, he seems to be forgetting that most people who buy bootlegs/download for free actually can afford to buy CDs, they just don’t want to.  [Contact Music]
  • The newest Hip Hop debate: Is the music/culture causing more violence in Britain?  [UK Guardian]
  • Interview with Donell Jones.  [Honey Soul]
  • Jewel says that she likes to booze it up.  After listening to her last album, who could blame her?  [D Listed]
  • Hip Hop radio stations have been experiencing a drop in ratings, because people can only take so much T.I. and Ciara every hour.  [Davey D]
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News and Nonsense

June 14, 2006

Ice Cube

  • Who knew that Ice Cube was so rich?  Should we assume that he has at least $25 million to burn, because that is what it just might take to get Chris Tucker to join him for another installment of the Friday series.  Oprah would probably invite him onto her show before Chris would agree to work for scale again…  [Hip Hop Ruckus]
  • Is Paul McCartney behind the sudden media stories about Heather Mills-McCartney's alleged past as a porn model and prostitute?  [Reuters]
  • Apparently, Anne Coulter's brainless vitriol isn't even original.  [Gawker]
  • K-Fed wants to make 8 Mile 2: Straight Outta Fresno.  [The Bosh]
  • Vibe Magazine to publish a style edition, which will probably amount to nothing more than a more organized volume of advertisements.  [Jossip]
  • Jim Carrey's fan base has apparently grown up, or moved on to Will Ferrell.  [Slate]
  • The Fast and The Furious 3: Tokyo Drift… even the title sounds boring, enough to make viewers drift off to sleep.  [Cake and Ice Cream]

Wednesday Whirl

June 14, 2006

Julia stiles

  • The kid who played Damien in The Omen remake must have really creeped Julia Stiles out.  [Contact Music
  • It looks like ABC may have drafted a "Dear John" letter to Bob Woodruff, now that Charlie Gibson is doing the job that he and Elizabeth Vargas attempted to do.  [Jossip]
  • Eminem gets another chance to craft the perfect trailer trash persona on film by acting in an upcoming remake of Have Gun, Will Travel.  [Movie Blog]
  • Eva Longoria to give Kaavya Viswanathan a run for her money by attempting to write a novel.  [Mollygood]
  • Britney Spears shows us, yet again, what a good mother should not do with her child.  [D Listed]
  • Has M. Night Shyamalan lost his touch?  [PopMatters]
  • The L Word producers still can't seem to find one good Latina actress in all of LA to play a Latina role.  Or is it that no Latina actress wants to ruin her resume by appearing on such a poorly written show?  [Hothouse]
  • Kevin Bacon's kids must have heard about his role in Beauty Shop, and subsequently refused to watch any of his films.  [Contact Music]

How Not to Get Dropped from Your Record Label Lesson 1: Christina Milian

June 9, 2006

Christina Milian

Christina has reportedly been dropped from her label.  I'm sure some people saw this coming a mile away, but apparently, Christina didn't expect it.  This might have been prevented, if she'd gotten some helpful advice along the way.  It may be too late now, but maybe she can focus on her acting career, and make a huge musical comeback a la Jamie Foxx, in about 10 years or so.

If only she had done things a little differently– maybe these helpful tips could have lengthened her tenure at Def Jam:

  1. If your album is not really amazing, don't name it So Amazing.
  2. You can't change musical styles like some people change outfits, unless you're an established star like Madonna, Janet Jackson, or Gwen Stefani.
  3. No musical star (or other celebrity, for that matter) ever becomes gangsta (see MC Hammer, Ricky Martin or Tom Cruise for further explanation).  You can start out gangsta and soften your image (e.g. Snoop Dogg and Ice Cube), but you can never start out soft and then later become gangsta. (Yes, I know that Tupac managed to pull this off, but he is the only one who did it "successfully"– and look what happened to him).
  4. Item #3 also holds true for artists who want to develop newly found traits of "ghetto fabulousness" or "fabulosity" (see Whitney Houston).  It never works.  Really, don't try it. (This includes things like bragging about the fact that you cut off your naturally long hair to get a weave).
  5. Don't agree to changing your personal style to one that so closely matches that of the reigning diva of the moment, and then act surprised when you constantly get compared to her.
  6. Don't make disparaging remarks about said diva's talent (or lack thereof) if her boyfriend is the current president of your record label.
  7. Don't get caught in questionable or compromising situations with the president of your label.
  8. Don't make a diss record about your ex-boyfriend if he has never publicly made any disparaging remarks about you (especially if his corniness speaks for itself).  (Only Janet Jackson can get away with this).
  9. Don't wait until the eleventh hour to play the Ethnicity Card.  If you have some sort of "ethnic flavor" start using it to your advantage from the beginning.
  10. Don't brag that your album will make it to "diamond" sales status, especially when even the biggest stars only make it to this level after years of steady sales.

Loose Ends

June 9, 2006

J.K. Rowling 

  • Great writing is apparently now determined by unit sales, and not by actual writing skills.  [BBC]
  • Some theaters in China have banned The Da Vinci Code, to spare their customers from having to sit for 2 and a half hours of a bad film.  [Topix.net]
  • Judging from the lack of sales, Mary Cheney's biography doesn't even make for a good doorstop.  [Hothouse]
  • Even "Reality [TV Show] Whores" can have their moments at screw-brained clarity.  [Towleroad]
  • How is it that Mariah Carey can wear a painted on dress and still not look remotely sexy?  [A Socialite's Life]
  • A new reality show.  About cats.  Starring cats.  Only in America…  [IWS]
  • Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is only a week old, and she's already over exposed.  [Low Culture]
  • Is Queen Latifah planning on running for public office?  And if she is, will she have to abdicate her throne before accepting a victory?  [Female First]

Sour Notes

June 9, 2006

Beyonce 

  • Beyonce is searching for female musicians who happen to be pretty, but don't necessarily have to be able to read music.  Sort of like Destiny's Child, only with that group, actual singing talent was optional.  [Concrete Loop]
  • Chris Martin's duet with Nelly Furtado was pulled from her album at the last minute, because those whiny voices combined would probably cause people to break their CDs and step on their iPods.  [WOW Report]
  • Maybe the management at Cristal think that all "Hip Hop types" tend to slurp when they drink from champagne flutes.  Obviously, they haven't met Fonzworth Bentley yet.  [Davey D]
  • Weird Al takes on James Blunt.  [BWE]
  • A judge has decided to allow the infamous R. Kelly sex tape to be viewed by the press and the public.  Each of the nine people who don't own it, or who haven't seen it or heard about the details of it from Carey Kelly or R. himself, will surely be thoroughly shocked.  [AP]
  • Is Letoya Luckett the poor man's Ashanti?  [Nova Slim]
  • Seal is being sued by a former agent, who has realized that it pays well to be married to Heidi Klum.  [Female First]
  • Does sex sell HipHop?  [HHB]
  • 50 Dumbest Rock Star Extravagances.  [Blender]

Friday Flurry

June 9, 2006

Vivica Used to be A Fox 

  • Vivica Used to be A. Fox reportedly to join the cast of Dancing with the Stars.  Fortunately, this would mean that we would only have to see her plastic face in passing, if she's paired with a gifted dance instructor.  [HipHop Ruckus]
  • More on the Craig Scheffer Stephen Dorff (I don't know why I always get them confused) vs. Ari Gold Jeremy Piven men's room brawl.  Stephen is apparently fond of trying to reenact boxing scenes from The Power of One, and Jeremy has obviously decided that Ari Gold is such a dynamic character, that he doesn't need to be himself off camera anymore.  [Defamer
  • When Lindsay Lohan is said to be "dating several men who live overseas", are we to interpret it as meaning that she got really wild and crazy during Fleet Week?  [Mollygood]
  • Not only has Neil Strauss discovered how to use stupid magic tricks to impress drunken bar chicks in order to get laid, now he's discovered how to use his book to get money from lonely guys who really want to get laid.  [Gawker]
  • LOGO has purchased AfterEllen and AfterElton.  [AfterElton via Queerty]
  • MTV Movie Awards recap.  [Celebitchy]
  • Keith Olbermann shows us that he can actually be clever sometimes by speaking his mind about Ann Coulter.  [Humanity Critic]
  • Raz B (formerly of B2K) faces more controversy over his upcoming role on Noah's Arc, and his other brushes with the gay community.  [Rod 2.0]
  • Diane Sawyer needs a brainy type to serve as a foil to her role as the ditzy blonde now that Charlie Gibson has left Good Morning America.  [Gawker]
  • Jennifer Beals goes all the way gay, well, sort of, by serving as the Celebrity Grand Marshal at San Francisco's Gay Pride parade.  [SF Pride 2006]