25 Most Emo Musicians (Because “Wuss” is Such a Derogatory Term)


Not that there is anything wrong with being a shiny-happy-touchy-feely music artist…

From the first portion of Blender’s list:

23.  Everyone in N’Sync Except Justin Timberlake 

Just as surrounding yourself with fat people makes you look thin, J-Tim’s cool-guy status reflects how uncool his boy-bandmates were. Lance Bass achieves cosmonaut accreditation but can’t find anyone to launch him into space; Joey Fatone sings show tunes; Chris Kirkpatrick fronts a presumably Spinal Tap–inspired “rock” outfit called Nigels 11; and JC Chasez records “I’m Not Sleeping Alone,” in which he doth protest too much.

Wussiest moment: In “Without Me,” Eminem says Kirkpatrick should get his ass kicked “worse than them little limpbizkit bastards.” No one argues.

I don’t know why they decided to exclude Justin, especially after that nipplegate fiasco…

22.  Natalie Merchant

There’s nothing wrong with do­gooders; after all, they, uh, do good. So we don’t dislike the former 10,000 Maniacs singer for playing lots of benefits, or for posting gardening links and haikus on her website. But Merchant is like that goody-goody in the ninth grade who always reminded the teacher if she forgot to assign homework. It’s wrong for a parent to hit a child, but the main point of her song on that topic, “What’s the Matter Here?,” seems to be the illustration of Merchant’s own moral superiority to an angry parent. Plus, she declaims her own decorous folk-rock songs as if she’s reading Shakespeare on the stage of the goddamn Globe Theater.

Wussiest moment: Did we mention the haikus on her website?

Rosie O’Donnell writes haiku on her site… but then, she’s not a musician, and she’s definitely no wuss.  Although, we’ll have to see if that still stands when she joins The View… hopefully the experience won’t drive her to singing…

18.  Common (Hip Hop Hippie)

Being a sensitive backpacker MC is one thing. But when you’re a teetotaling, incense-burning, crocheted-scarf-wearing vegetarian whose real name is Lonnie Lynn … well, let’s just say street cred isn’t an issue. Call him the hip-hop Stuart Smalley: “I just wanna be happy with being me,” Kanye’s boho homey once rapped. Awww …
Wussiest moment: Shortened his name from Common Sense in 1995 after being sued by a ska band with the same name. A ska band.

Common can’t help it if he’s “herbal tea”… it’s one of the permanent changes that a man experiences after dating Erykah Badu. 


13 Responses to 25 Most Emo Musicians (Because “Wuss” is Such a Derogatory Term)

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