More Fun with Craigslist

September 26, 2005

Craigslist 

[Link via Gawker]

Looking for well connected businessmen to help with getting out katrina wristbands.  This is VERY important as we look to reach our goal of getting 40 million Americans wearing them.  Also will help Habitat for Humanity.  Let us know how to contact you (phone number) and how many you can get out. 

WE REALLY WANT LARGE CORPORATE CONTACTS THAT CAN COME IN AS SPONSORS ETC.  ALSO THIS IS NOT A SCAM SO IF YOU THINK IT IS DONT BOTHER TO EMAIL ME WE ARE ONLY INTERESTED IN PEOPLE SERIOUSLY INTERESTED IN HELPING US REACH THE GOAL. 

I also love giving bj's to businessmen but this is separate from the above.  If you are only interested in the BJ please do not respond.

Translation:

Looking for well-connected, high profile businessmen to help advertise/sell/distribute Katrina wristbands.  This is very important, as we have a high sales goal, and we are looking for someone important/powerful to help us reach our goal of selling to 40 million Americans.  This fundraising drive will also benefit Habitat for Humanity.  Let us know how to contact you (phone number is preferred for future blackmail purposes), and let us know how many wristbands you can move/sell.

We really want high profile contacts from large businesses and powerful corporations to agree to sponsor our mission.  THIS IS NOT A SCAM, so if you think it is, do not bother to email me.  I am too busy working to benefit a worthy cause (and possibly make a little money under the table for myself) to waste time sifting through junk emails…

BTW, I also love giving blow jobs to businessmen, just as a "personal hobby", but this is separate from the above.  If you are only interested in the bj, please do not respond [in your response to this posting], as blow jobs would be an extra service offered for profit only, and therefore, would not be tax deductible.

I AM: a guy in my mid/late 20s, too busy, and frankly, too broken-hearted to chase ladies right now.  That creates a problem as my 'crowd' will not cut me any slack.  Worst of all, my parents have started thinking I might be gay. 

YOU ARE: a good-looking woman in her twenties.  Willing to have dinner with my parents once, at most twice, a month and show up at my friends' parties about once a week.  These 'duties' apart, we treat each other as normal flatmates.  No sex, no walking around in panties or any of that.  I can afford world-class female companions for these purposes, if I actually wanted to.

YOU GET: a private room in a 2 BR apt in soho.  I own the place and, my bedroom apart, we share everything else (living room, eat-in kitchen).

PRICE: 500.  Market price would be around 1500 or more, i.e. you get a 1000 dollar discount for about half a dozen outings with me per month.  Ideally for several months (6, whatever) just so I get the 'must have girlfriend' pressure off my shoulders for a bit.  Can be longer if we get along very well.  Please attach a picture.

Translation:

I AM: a guy in my mid/late 20s, too scared to come out of the closet.  My friends have become wary of my imaginary girlfriend ruse, and my parents are getting suspicious, so I really need to find a live-breathing chick to show off to everyone. 

YOU ARE: a good looking woman in her twenties.  Willing to have dinner with my overbearing parents every other weekend, and show up for my friends' parties.  These "duties" apart, we will treat each other as normal [platonic] flatmates.  No sex, no walking around in panties or any of that (I have a weak stomach, and I highly appreciate personal space and humility).  I can afford a high-priced call-girl, if I really wanted to look at some scantily clad tramp walking around my place, but Im just not into that. 

YOU GET: a private room in a 2 BR apt in Soho.  I own the place, and my bedroom apart (it's completely off-limits to anyone of the female gender), we share everything else (living room, eat-in kitchen), provided you remain fully dressed at all times. 

PRICE: $500.  Market price would be around $1500 or more, but you get a $1000 discount for pretending to be my girlfriend, and covering my tracks while I continue to date guys undercover.  Ideally, for several months (6, whatever), jus so I get my friends and my parents off my back.  If you're not too annoying, we can do it longer. 

Please submit a picture.  I'll have to consult with people who would know if you're attractive enough to be considered "my girl".

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