Fun with Craigslist: Women vs. Men Edition

May 22, 2006

Craigslist  Some tips on dating and dealing with women, from the poor man's John Gray: 

Some rants and accumulated experience about women. Men in happy marriages or stable relationships don't need to read this; neither do men who get laid every week (or even every month). The "truth" I'm putting out here is for all of those men who, like me, worship women and can't figure out why they keep getting screwed over and dumped. The myths are things that I used to believe before I wised up.

Translation: I was compelled to document my thoughts on this topic because I've gone through most of my life being unlucky in love, and I personally think that the dating game is a scam.  I did all the things that I was supposed to do, I even read a bunch of books, took advice from friends, went on blind dates, etc., etc., but none of that crap ever really worked for me.  Now that I'm older, I realize now that it's easier to bag chicks because a lot of the ones who are 35-ish are so desperate to get married, that they'll even date guys like me.

MYTH: Women want love and affection. Women want to be treated well. If you treat a woman well, she'll treat you well.

TRUTH: Young women want whatever other young women want. They're herd creatures. If you lavish a woman with love and affection she'll think you're doing it because nobody else wants you (which may be true) and she'll dump you. In fact, if you do anything that betrays that you're a loser that other women won't touch, she'll dump you. Why? Because she wants to impress her friends with what a great catch she's made, and if she thinks that they wouldn't want you, then she doesn't want you either.

There are only three exceptions to this rule.  

  •  
    • Psychos (also known as witches/bitches/crazy ladies): they'll stay with you because nobody else wants them, or you're the only one who'll put up with their abuse
    • Women who like to "fix men up": they like to take "broken men and turn them into the man they want
    • The one you marry: the woman who isn't a psycho, still wants to stay with you when she finds out you're not a super stud, and doesn't want to change you into someone else 

Translation: I have no luck getting hot young chicks, so I gave up trying to date them, and I moved on to the older women who don't care about who they date, because they're not as picky. Read the rest of this entry »

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Sour Notes

May 22, 2006

Madonna crucified

  • Madonna shows Dan "Da Vinci Code" Brown a thing or two on her new tour. I bet her kids will really be confused now.   [Mollygood, Towleroad, D Listed]
  • Toni Braxton's career is officially over; after she finishes her stint in Vegas, expect to find her prowling the reality show circuit.  [Concrete Loop]
  • Imogen Heap almost gets into a heap of trouble over a childish prank.  [Arjan]
  • Is Hip Hop finally losing its luster?  [HHB]
  • Interview with Nelly Furtado.  [London Times]
  • 25 Best Music Websites.  [Stereogum]
  • New music from Monica.  [Cake and Ice Cream]
  • Interview with Teena Marie.  [Honey Soul]
  • Introducing Corinne Bailey Rae, the latest overly hyped waif with an annoying voice (think: Macy Gray on helium).  [UK Guardian]
  • Avril Lavigne completes her metamorphosis from sk8r grrl shrew to Hollywood femmebot.  [BiggestStars]

News and Nonsense

May 22, 2006

Sofia Coppola 

  • Sofia Coppola to release yet another film that most people will hate.  [London Times]
  • Ron Howard tries subliminal tricks to ensure that as many people as possible will pay money to see the Da Vinci Code; and it must have worked, because despite all of the dismal reviews, people turned out in droves this weekend to see it.  [Defamer]
  • R.I.P. Katherine Dunham.  [AP]
  • "Sloppy Seconds with Opah Mehta".  [Morning News]
  • Items left off of Britney Spears's baby shower wish list: a baby stroller, a good nanny, and a fully functioning brain.  [D Listed]
  • Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, and Paris Hilton actually make Barbie look like the better role model.  [UK Observer]
  • Now we see why John Stamos is still stuck on the C-List with people like Wilmer Valderrama.  [IDLYITW]
  • There is nothing new under the sun: a lot of young girls aspire to be brainless, golddigging whores who only live to spend money and to be seen.  [London Times]

Monday Musings

May 22, 2006

P Diddy Dum Dum 

  • Puffy, attempting to show chavs what true ghetto fabulosity is all about, can shell out $65 million for an estate in London, but he can't seem to afford to keep up on his child support payments.  [Gawker] 
  • Jennifer Lopez is pregnant, but it seems that the major news outlets have forgotten to report it.  [A Socialite's Life]
  • Conan O'Brien to host this year's Emmys, because it's one of the few jobs in which you can get paid well to put people to sleep.  [PopWatch]
  • Now albinos are speaking out against the Da Vinci Code film.  [Gawker]
  • Jessica Simpson's hairstylist has moved up the foodchain from stylist to confidant, so naturally, this means that Jessica needs to start looking for someone who doesn't have to exert enough brain power to listen to her problems and try to keep her hair looking decent.  [Mollygood]
  • Sometimes it pays to play nice, especially when you're a billionaire who's on the brink of divorce proceedings without the advantage of having a prenup.  [SkyNews]
  • ABC should stop pretending that it actually cares for its other newscasters, and just have Charlie Gibson and Diane Sawyer cover all of the news.  [Jossip]
  • Something we already knew: K-Fed really is a low-life.  [The Bosh]

Does Tyra Banks Like Black People?

May 18, 2006

Tyra Banks  Slate asks the question: is Tyra Banks racist (I think "ashamed of her race" is the term they were looking for)?  The answer is no; she's just unhinged. Apparently, for the sake of being deep, Slate tries to analyze Tyra's odd behavior towards some of the black contestants on America's Next Top Model:

On camera, many of the black ANTM contestants talk about how thrilled they are to be in Tyra's presence; how her success as a black supermodel inspired them, helping them see themselves as beautiful for the first time. But how does she repay their adoration? By trying to eradicate ethnic idiosyncrasies in their personality and appearance. Tyra tells the aspiring models that they need to develop a thick skin. But she seems to think dark skin should be tougher than light.

Tyra's behavior towards the girls competing for the top prize on her show is as unpredictable as a slot machine.  It almost seems as though the girls should learn to do the opposite of what Tyra advises them to do, because when they follow her advice, they typically end up being criticized for it.

As for her supposedly mistreating the black girls, Tyra seems to be attempting to prepare them for the highstakes world of modeling, but one wonders, just how important behavior, diction, and other traits not strictly related to physical appearance really are to a model's career.  Tyra and her team try to make it all sound so complex and multifaceted, but, honestly, how much do we really pay attention to models, outside of being slightly distracted by their images in numerous print ads in magazines and elsewhere?

Since UPN's programming caters to a black audience, it makes sense that Tyra, the first black woman to grace the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, is at the helm. But lately, the supermodel has seemed disapproving of the trappings of black American culture. Though she illustrates her allegiance to the sisterhood by making loving references to her booty, for the past few cycles Tyra has been discouraging any behavior that could be considered "too black."

…  "I don't want another black bitch," said Tyra to potential contestant Eva Pigford, confronting what had long remained subtext on reality TV. Eva, who was sometimes referred to as "Eva the Diva," experienced a significant attitude adjustment while under Tyra's tutelage and went on to win. But as Eva's star rose, Tyra's patience with her dark-skinned contestants began to wane. Tyra criticized Cycle 3 runner-up Yaya's "Afro-centric" head wraps, and in Cycle 4, she threw a spectacular hissy fit at Tiffany, a black mother from Miami. At the end of each episode of ANTM, one would-be model is sent home. When Tiffany, who sported tattoos and got into a bar fight on-camera, shrugged at the news of her elimination, Tyra exploded…

This season, the offending black contestant was Danielle, a gap-toothed beauty from Little Rock, Ark. From the beginning, Danielle took strong pictures, whether standing nearly naked in a freezer or hanging upside down in a fisherman's net. On ANTM, models are judged on their photographs, personality, personal style, and runway walk; if nothing else, the show convinces viewers that modeling is hard work that requires a willingness to take direction and endure physical discomfort for long periods of time. Danielle excelled at all of this. In fact, UPN viewers voted her "Cover Girl of the Week" several times—but Tyra seemed unimpressed.

Although Tyra had several problems with Danielle—at one point bullying her to close the Lauren Hutton-esque gap in her smile—she was particularly unhappy about Danielle's "country" accent. Danielle does speak the way one might expect a young black woman from Arkansas to speak, but the lilting, syrupy sound of her voice is a huge part of her charm. All the judges—except Tyra—acknowledged this. While no one found it problematic that Jade (the "biracial butterfly"—her words—from New York City) peppered her speech with made-up words like "analystic," "dwelve," and "releasement," Tyra seemed unable to bear the fact that Danielle (who, incidentally, properly used the word cantankerous to describe herself when she gets pissy) had regional inflection in her voice. Even more to the point, Nnenna, the recently booted stunner from Nigeria, also spoke with a thick accent, which Tyra and the rest of the judges found fetching. Evidently, an African accent is fine, but not an African-American one. At last week's judging, Tyra told Danielle the judges "didn't trust her when she opened her mouth." But the truth is that the other judges loved Danielle, especially when she spoke, because she was articulate, modest, and hugely charismatic.

A model's diction is the last thing that matters.  If her looks are the desired commodity, who cares if she has a Southern accent, a speech impediment, or if she peppers her sentences with words that don't really exist?  We are only looking, not listening.  We save that for the half talented singers and actors who are steadily taking more jobs away from the "professional models" .   

Competing on Tyra's show should not be advised for any girl who has self-esteem problems, that's for sure. Only the girls who can handle a good mindfuck should even attempt to go up against Tyra and her ego.  That's the real competition on the show– the other models don't even matter; the real test is making it through Tyra's ever changing mind, and her strange moods. 

"The Racial Politics of America's Next Top Model"  [Slate]


Wednesday Whirl

May 17, 2006

Britney and SPF in her Mini 

  • And we thought that K-Fed would be the bad parent…  [Jossip]
  • Lazy publicists try to make their job easier by planting "anonymous" celeb sightings in Gawker Stalker.  [Gawker]
  • The Da Vinci Code film apparently doesn't measure up to the masterpiece that is the novel.  [Defamer, Movie Blog]
  • Just like in the movies, 90% of the stuff on TV is recycled from the past.  [NYT]
  • Jackie Chan and Jet Li are finally making a movie together.  [Movie Blog]
  • The nominees for the BET Awards have been announced.  Pretty much like last year's list, talent was apparently not an important criterion in the process of choosing nominees.  [Cake and Ice Cream]
  • We might have thought that Heather Mills McCartney was a shrew in public, but luckily for us, we were spared from having to live with her.  [AP]
  • Will paycuts become the norm for Hollywood stars?  [BiggestStars]
  • For his next stunt, David Blaine plans to do his boring card tricks with caged zoo animals "live harmoniously with wild beasts".  [D Listed]
  • 10 Worst Blockbusters of All Time.  [Pajiba]
  • Hugh Laurie would like to be able to belch in a restaurant without the paparazzi being there to film it.  [Contact Music]

Musical Musings

May 17, 2006

India.Arie 

  • Interview with India.Arie.  [Honey Soul]
  • Maybe Christina Aguilera's albums would sell more if she spent more time promoting them instead of starting silly spats with established stars.  [Just Jared]
  • Interview with The Pet Shop Boys.  [London Times]
  • Students at a Catholic girl's school think that the cancellation of a Ne-Yo concert due to the singer's sexually explicit lyrics was unfair, because they were really looking forward to watching such a talented singer-song writer perform.  The officials at the school just don't know that when you finally get a good look at Ne-Yo, you instantly realize that he has an amazing imagination, and has used it to write most of his songs.  [AP]
  • Interview with Alannis Morissette.  [UK Guardian]
  • Nelly Furtado is taking dance lessons for her upcoming tour.  Hopefully she'll reserve some time in her schedule for some intensive voice lessons as well.  [Contact Music]
  • The members of A Tribe Called Quest have reportedly put their respective egos in storage in order to embark on a union tour.  [MTV]
  • Profile of Boy George.  [UK Observer]
  • The UK shows Snoop Dogg who is really the most gangsta by banning him from the country.  DMX to be next on the list. [D Listed]
  • New music from Zero 7.  [Arjan]
  • Interview with Kelis.  [AHH]
  • Alice in Chains to launch a world tour.  [Contact Music]